Thursday, April 17th, 2008
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3:51 pm - WTF
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So yesterday I was called by a former boss and offered the chance at a job in Calgary. I am really torn as the starting salary is more than I have ever made so far in my life with a guarunteed raise after 3 months.
Lets plus minus this damn thing
New Job:
+45 to 55k a year to start
+Living in a larger more vibrant city
+free working vacation in mexico a year
+Cheap flights to Vancouver AND Regina as I will be equidistant from them
+make my own hours
-stuck up city living
-cost of living in Calgary
-living farther from Bela
Current Job:
+Is a good job that should see me making more soon
+I like what I am doing
+Close to Bela
+ALready established social circle
+lower cost of living
+Just got settled into a house
-not making as much as I want to be
-limited options for fun in Regina that do not involve crazy partying
-really difficult to visit friends in other places
-cost of living going up every month dramatically
Dammit, I hate hard decisions. So far I think I am gonna take the interview and then determine what to do from there.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, March 31st, 2008
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8:03 am - nobody expects the Spanish Inquistion
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The Inquisition has apparently descended upon live journal for April, and so what the hell, I'll fall in too.
Comments are screened and whatever, but please Ask me a Question if you are so inclined(anything goes), and I will do my best to answer 'em.
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, March 25th, 2008
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1:48 pm - Personality quiz
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Today at lunch I took a personality test(sweet god was it long). For those that are interested the results are behind the cut. I can never tell how accurate these damn things are so please leave comments and let me know if you, my readers and friends, think it is an accurate description of me. I don't agree with everything it says especially near the end as I think I am more extroverted than that. Although maybe not as much lately.
( Intense Quiz )
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
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9:44 am - Disconnected
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Going with my thoughts of yesterday, i realized as I walked home that I feel remarkably disconnected from the world of late. Whether this is a symptom of my enforced hermitage over the past few weeks or an indicator of a larger disconnect remains to be seen.
The reality of the situation though is that I feel less and less like leaving the house. It sounds strange especially considering the current conditions in which I am residing. Perhaps its because I have to get up at 5:30 am everyday and then walk the hour to work(love the walk, just HATE the leaving the warm sleepng space bit) or maybe I am in the process of redefining my priorities. The long and short of it is, I really don't know why I am against leaving the comfort of my abode.
These thoughts kind of came to light yesterday as I was going through the debacle that is the process of me TRYING to buy a used car(don't ask) and talking with the people I am buying from. The wife said that she was not comfortable leaving her immediate area where she lived and that going farther than a block or so caused her anxiety.
While I don't believe that I have ever experiences anxiety per se, it kind of struck a chord for me. Although I get bored at home i have no real desire to leave it. At times I think the only reason I do is to spend time alone. I am finding that I enjoy spending more and more time by myself, which, for those who have known me in the past, is quite contrary to how I used to be.
I don't really know where I am going with this entry, I think I am more just trying to figure out what is happening in my brain, the strange and scary place that it can be.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, March 10th, 2008
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12:03 pm - Ponderiings ponderings
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I have been thinking a lot about spinning lately and I realized that it has been a long time since I actually promoted myself and what I do. It isn't that I don't enjoy DJ'ing anymore(I still hit the decks at least 3 times a week) but I think that the desire to do it for anything more than my own fun and self satisfaction has faded.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE playing for people, but it just always seems that the business of living life gets in the way of pumping up the tunes that I play and getting out there and trying to get gigs.
That being said of course, I am playing at Gabbo's on April 10th which I am excited about and as soon as I get me a lappy and scratch system, I am sure that I will be putting out some recorded mixes(as well as adding some Psy and Hardcore to the repetoire).
It just seems like such a long way off.
"Be patient" the little frog said, "everything comes in time."
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, March 1st, 2008
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9:50 am
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Friday, February 22nd, 2008
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8:42 am - Ancestry - (poetry time)
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Dreams, blood driven
geneticly tuned
to wind me up and
send me clickity clacking along
Existence is what we are now
or is it the sum of our parts
forefather guidance,
or are we nothing more
than what we make of ourselves
Nature, nurture
the dragon chases it tail
leaving us forever wondering
who we really are.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
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1:38 pm - fucking credit card companies
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So, on Friday last week I went in to see if I could get a Visa, understanding that I might need to have a secured visa to start because of the issues I have had with them in the past.
I find out that I had overpaid them, checked my bank records, amount matches what they are showing as a credit on a written off visa.
So, the bank lady I am dealing with says that we are going to try and get my money back and go from there. Today, Visa calls back and says that "the amount in credit was an interest error and it isn't actually yours."
WTF!!!!!. My bank records match the amount, it hasn't been touched in years and as I have been informed on countless occasions "Credit Card companies do not pay interest on positive balances!" Further the amount in credit doesn't even match the interest rate over the period of time that they are saying this happened during.
So it means that Visa has robbed me of almost $500 which also means fuck em. Who needs a credit card anyway.
FUCK I HATE MONEY AND THE FINANCIAL INDUSTRY. It almost makes me want to close my bank accounts and become a cash only person. If only that was feasible in today's society.
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
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11:15 am - The Augury and the mystery
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Starshine bright like candles in the sky
reveal unto me the secrets of the universe.
Whisper in my ear the mysteries of your creation
that I might learn to never fear.
Moonlight bright, a spotlight to my dreams
reveal me to me the secrets of the human mind
Illuminate the darkness of my ignorance
that I might learn to never anger.
Sunshine bright, warm with summer promises
reveal unto me the secrets of the human heart
Feed me from your harvest of joys
that I might learn never weep
Comet bright, dancing in the midnight sky
reveal to me the secret of time
open my mind to your brilliance
that I might give these gifts to all.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Saturday, January 26th, 2008
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11:59 am - Poetry Time.
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Here I sit,
teetering on a brink
dancing along a filament edge
neither this world or the next
maintains its grip on me
yet embroiled in both, I remain.
Winter whispers and spring screams
different words for the same song
the record scratched beyond repair.
Breathless, I wonder,
how long.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, January 18th, 2008
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7:06 pm
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Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008
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3:01 pm - 2007 is gone
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My end of 2007 pretty much was a summation of my year. My night was a complete disaster and frankly, I don't think that I have had a worse start to an evening in a very VERY long time. Got home at about 10:45 pm and then my roommates mostly saved my evening by hauling me out for drinks at a place I wouldn't have considered going to ring in the New Year.
I drank a lot of rye and beer and then returned home to work on on heck of a serious hangover.
So its 2008, I'm making no predictions and leveraging no expectations on the coming year.
Just gotta take it day by day.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, December 24th, 2007
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4:07 pm
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It's Christmas Eve and I am sitting at work and feeling more than a little low on myself. This year has been one of the most fucked up that I have had in a long time. I wouldn't say that it was the worst year of my life, but damn, it comes pretty freaking close.
I think this year saw the end of a lot of the hopes and dreams that I had. I feel more cynical, less ethereal and don;t really know what that is going to mean. I am making plans for the future, but the truth is, there is no real passion behind any of them. I can't seem to muster the enthusiasm I once had or pull the fire that used to drive me back to the surface. I think that it went out to tell you the truth
Which of course brings me to my hopes for the New Year. I am(was/will be) planning to try and go overseas to teach english. In terms of an adventure, I think it would be a fabulous one that I would enjoy immensely, but a lot is going to depend on what the Doctor's have to say about my allergies. From what I understand the country I am planning on going too is quite rife with mold, which is part of the reason I left Vancouver. I also don't know if I will be able to afford to go as I begin to figure out the amount of money that I will need to spend before I go it seems like it is so terribly far out of reach. So much remains to be seen on that front that I really don't know what is going to happen.
Speaking of health, I want to try and live a bit better, try to feel a bit better and not be so ill all the time. I am tired, so very very tired of every year having some kind of health struggle, something to make me feel like ass. I'm running out of strength to keep fighting. I keep a lot of those issues to myself because, frankly, its no ones business how healthy or unhealthy I am, but this year was a really bad one. I need to figure out what is doing it and that means changing how I live.
I have also decided to change tactics, I have spent so much of my life hoping to find one person that I can spend it with, to find that one person that will truly "get me" in all the ways th I need, but the truth is, and it has been a hard truth to accept, that it ain't gonna happen. I'm finally fine with that as I no longer have the patience to deal with another person's crap or expectations. The "soul mate" dream is dead for me and while I feel like I am abandoning a part of myself, a part of my "happy ending", its time to grow up and realize that there are no happy endings, just a lot of mediocre middles that string together to form everyday life.
So my hope for the next year? To be able to write a few more poems, feel a bit better and surrender myself to whatever fate has in store for me and hope as little as I possibly can. Hell, I might even just stay at home for New Year's Eve.
current mood:  cynical
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, December 13th, 2007
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12:04 pm - wiped out
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Its been a long LONG November/December. I feel like I have been wrung right out and I don't have much left. I haven't been much of myself of late and in a way I feel kind of guilty. There are a couple of people that I want to spend more time with, but haven't felt that my state of mind would be the most conducive to hangin out.
Its all good though, there is a party this weekend, and the New Year is coming which I know means good things are gonna finally start coming my way. Everything is gonna work out the way it should.
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, December 6th, 2007
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5:24 pm - t-minus 4 hours
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Monday, November 12th, 2007
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2:54 am - Grandma's rest
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I still remember
walks to the creek
fetching water for the house
the warmth of cast iron
slowly lulling me to sleep
in a small green house
nestled on a northern farm
I remember hearing your laugh
as we weeded a garden
and picked berries
in the summer sun
You laughed at all my jokes
even the ones that weren't funny
and always made sure
that I had enough baking while in school.
Now I know you lay far away
in a pain that I cannot wash away
like all the scrapes and bruises
that you made better
I wish more than anything
that I could take it all away.
Rest,
sleep,
your job here is done
carry on to
peaceful fields
sunshine and laughter
and get back all the joy
you have given me tenfold.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Saturday, October 20th, 2007
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9:51 pm - Chasing Divinity
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It began, soft and slow
a deep feeling rising within
as I strode through distant mountains
watching foxes dog my footsteps
Carrying on, I looked to find meaning
within the words and dreams of others
dancing along the poets verse
like some high wire acrobat
Closer and closer it seemed,
just ever eluding my grasp
till chemical shortcuts
paved the way to news ways of dreaming
Awakened, I stepped into a newness
and felt the moment within music
becoming one with a single note
till it faded away to nothing
How can we get so close to light
and never reach it?
How can we chase gods
and never catch them?
It is because
we are all heroes
and for heroes
it is the journey
that makes them divine.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
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12:43 pm
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Its been a hard 3 years in Vancouver, very hard. There has been a constant ache inside me that I haven't been able to explain. I understand it now though, more than I used too. There are a few people that I need in my life, need to have around. Most of them live back in Regina.
This isn't an easy decision because I am giving up a good career out here. But to me it isn't what you do for a living that counts anymore, but how you live that counts.
The decision is made and I am leaving in less than two weeks. This is the scariest thing that I have ever done, and the first that I have ever made completely for me.
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(22 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007
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4:12 pm - What I need
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I need to get out of Vancouver. Its a hard decision to make though, so hard. GIve up money and what I have here. Go back to Regina and settle in. The thought of going overseas to teach english is in my head as well, but, it kinda scares me as well.
I wish that decisions were easier.
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, September 30th, 2007
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9:49 am - Thursday has FINALLY ended.....
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two words and one sentence from my bday weekend
Words:
1. Midgets
2. Awesome
Sentence:
I fucking love fucking fun.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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